I haven’t written in a while, and it’s taken me a while to realize that I’ve been quite blah. I thought I handled all this so well, like a trouper, like a true Viking descendent, like wonder woman, but more so, I’m handling this like a human.

Now that I am at the one year anniversary of this journey, and I vigorously count my blessings, I notice that I’m “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” I’m more than bothered by the news on TV, and excessively worried about anything that could possibly go wrong, most of all another PET scan, which I have been dreading for a while.

A PET scan gives my physicians a clear view of any new cancer activity. The thought gives me chills, and left me nauseated with fear the day before my scan, which was only days ago.

Preparation for a PET scan involves spending the day before the test as leisurely as possible, since muscle activity can light up on the study, giving a false positive. I was told to drink a lot of water, but not to have anything to eat or drink after midnight.

Once there, an IV is inserted, before the technician is called. She arrives with an ominous looking metal box containing a syringe of a radioactive material which she injects into my vein, while we chat, as if there is nothing at all strange about this.

I have no reaction to the substance, and I read for the hour it takes for it to circulate through my body. I try not to think about that, assured that its half life is only ninety minutes, so I will soon be rid of it.

The scanner is in a room that is quite cold, so I’m bundled up with blankets, and quite comfortably bolstered with a leg rest and a pillow, before the study starts. There is nothing uncomfortable about the exam, no claustrophobic tunnels, no knocking noises, not even a computerized voice filling the room. The only instruction I am given is not to move, and I do not move, for if movement prolongs this experience, I will be the most unmoving patient of the day.

Results: Waiting for the results, is far more stressful than the actual scan. When I am told the test is negative, the relief is phenomenal, and I am grateful.

Coming Soon: I will venture back to the chemo days, with more tips on how to brave through it, and then talk about radiation.